Dating after divorce

13. 5. 2017

If you have just come out of a long-term relationship or have just divorced, your close friends or family might try to persuade you that it’s time to start a new chapter of your life with someone new, a special someone who will change your life and bring back the sunshine. But does this make sense? Is this the right time? All of us who have lived through a marriage wanted to have a nice, kind, honest relationship. So, perhaps this is the main reason why most of us need time to recover after a break-up, before geting back into a normal way-of-life. We invested a lot of emotions and a lot time and trust in order to develop a very special relationship. Therefore, when it happens that the relationship doesn’t work, we become sad and resent the fact that we didn’t get what we wanted. Many things happen in our lives and it’s impossible to win every time. While some of us may be ready to jump back into the fray, even while divorce proceedings continue to pester us, others need much more time to recharge the batteries and get back to normality. But even though it’s a hard process, the time to make a big change in our life will eventually come. So....

What is dating after divorce?

Dating after divorce is more or less just like any other type of dating, when seeking someone to love. There’s just one small difference - the fact you’ve just arrived at the end of a long-term relationship which cost a lot of energy and emotion. There are many reasons why a marriage might grind to a halt: perhaps some infidelity caused by one or other of the partners, perhaps another variety of romance, or maybe a slackening of the bonds between husband and wife. When this sort of thing happens and the marriage or long-term relationship doesn’t continue to fulfil, it’s extremely hard to remain happy. Most of us have probably suffered from this sort experience during a long relationship, and, because none of us likes to be alone, we tend to start dating again. Sometimes, following a divorce, people might fear they carry around a kind of sign, a "stamp of divorce," but getting divorced is just another aspect of life and doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad. Leaving an unhealthy partnership is better than living in an unhappy limbo.

What to expect from dating after divorce?

Dating after divorce is actually pretty cool, and you can fill your life with tons of fresh, vibrant energy. You’ll also get to meet lots of new people and make new friends, people just like you who are looking for new contacts, new encounters, and perhaps new relationships. While dating, you’ll meet loads of people who have gone through a wide range of experiences, some good, some not so good, and some that are positively bad. Yep, it’s all out there, and because of the variations some people will need more time than others to get their lives back under control. And, for some of us, there’s a beneficial possibility that some of the people you will meet might have children from their previous partnership. Indeed, you may even have kids of your own.

All of us expect to find new love, enjoy the good vibrations of being a couple, and many of us would love to remarry and start a family. In order to do all these things and find a new someone special with whom to share fantastic times, you definitely need to start dating. So…

When to start dating after divorce?

When the love has gone, after a divorce or after the break-up of a long-term relationship, the best time to stand up and look around is when you start to think and feel positively, when you believe yourself to be ready for the next chapter in your life. But, hey, there’s no reason to rush into things, especially if you think you didn’t cope too well in your last relationship. But how do you know if you’re ready or not? Most of us need to get rid of all the negative emotional baggage, and once that’s accomplished and freedom stares us in the face, it’s probably time to think about dating. When life starts to tell you that it would be great to spend some quality time with someone, to walk hand-in-hand and converse with someone special, this is the moment to open your eyes and spread your wings. While it’s true that some of us might be a little hesitant about forming a relationship with someone who is still going through the process of divorce, it’s best to remember that we all have different levels of tolerance. It’s also worth understanding that, in some countries, the whole divorce thing can run on for several years. So, because of a multitude of variations and religious problems, it could turn out that you and your new contact start the relationship living separate lives while the divorce proceedings run their course. Cultures and traditions differ from country to country, and every relationship has its unique attractions. So what it really comes down to is a mixture of emotions, desires, and tolerance regarding the person you love.

Where to date after divorce?

When you’re ready to start dating again and when you’re thinking about finding a new love, you might ask the question: "Where do I start? Where can I find like-minded people? How do I meet someone who’ll understand me?" The simplest way is to check out the people you see on a daily basis. But if you don’t have that many contacts, it’s more than likely time to try something new, such as logging onto online dating sites or dating apps. It’s simplicity in itself! You just need to sign in, scroll through the profiles, find a man or woman you like the look of, and, if he or she is also interested, hey presto – messages and conversation will start to flow. Later, when you’ve discovered more about one another and the communication is positive, you can propose going out on a date. For the best results, it’s always a good plan to meet in a public place, a safe location where you can introduce yourselves and spend an interesting couple of hours together. But where? Where should this rendezvous take place? Well, it’s a good question, and one you should ask your prospective partner. Ideally, it should be a place that both of you know and where both of you are happy to meet.


How to start dating again, after divorce?

Dating is all about searching, and because it’s not always a doddle to find exactly the right person, here are some pointers for you to think about and follow:

What kind of person would you like to meet? (Describe body shape and character).

  • Would you accept your new partner’s child, or children, he or she has from a previous relationship?
  • Would you like to date someone locally, or would you be happy with a long-distance relationship?
  • What about race? Would you accept someone from a culture different to your own?
  • Would you like to start a family at some time in the future?

This is about preferences, so when you know what kind of man or woman you’d really like to meet, it’s time to begin the search. As stated above, you can always check out the many people who revolve around your favourite haunts, or you can visit an online dating site, or an international dating site or app., where you can search through stacks of profiles of men and women. When you discover someone special, it would obviously be brilliant if your match were to have the same positive reaction as your own. So, in this situation, you might find the following advice to be worthwhile:

For successful dating with someone after a divorce, you might like to consider:

  • Taking things one step at a time; slowly, calmly, and naturally
  • The possibility that someone who’s just divorced might be extra cautious
  • The possibility of family and children. Don’t rush into anything, remember: one step at a time. Leave the decision about meeting family, friends or kids to your new partner. He or she will know when the time is right.
  • Anticipating any issues which could become a challenge. After divorce, some people need more time than others before starting a new relationship. Be patient, because he/she might not be ready
  • The fact that some divorced people might worry that they are making the same old mistakes, so stand back and let them breathe. It’s great to let them know that you understand their inner fears
  • That in order to have a serious relationship with a divorced person, you need to know the experiences, good and bad, that your partner has gone through in any previous relationship
  • That it’s probably not a good idea to jump into the relationship with preconceived ideas about the direction it should follow. Remember the mantra: slow, calm, and natural.
  • When both of you are ready and at ease, you can be certain that you’ve each found exactly the right person.
  • Don't be shy, don't be nervous - be yourself. Your new love will be certain to tell you if there are any problems. Progress slowly and don’t annoy your newfound love with zillions of questions.

No doubt there are a few of us who think dating is just another kind of lifestyle, but most of us are genuinely serious about finding that special someone with whom to share our life – a soulmate who won’t leave us sitting on the shelf, but will happily step through life as our partner, and in old age will accompany us to the park bench, where we can look back on cherished memories. If at first you don’t find such a person, don’t give up, keep searching. Sometimes it takes just a little more time to find the perfect man or woman.

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