First date questions

19. 5. 2017

When meeting your new love for the first date, you are most probably looking forward to spending an amazing time together. But having a great time doesn’t only mean choosing a nice place and having fun, it also includes pleasant conversation, especially when you seek to build a serious relationship. Your new love will want to feel good in your company, so you’ll need to demonstrate your interest. To make a good impression and win the heart of your love, it’s important to ask the right questions at the right time. This is essential, because not only do they form part of every conversation, but they also help you to better understand the person you’re dating. Okay, this may not sound too difficult, but it’s pretty easy to upset the applecart should you pursue wrong type of enquiry. In this article we explain which type of questions you could normally use and when would be the best time to do so.

Open questions to ask (and not to ask) on the first date

This type of question, beginning with a ‘’question word’’ (who, what, where, why, etc.), will help you start a conversation. It’s the style of question to use when you want to know more about the person you’re contacting. Open questions will help to break the ice and create a good and interesting atmosphere for your first date. Your partner will readily understand your interest, and you’ll find you can easily use these questions during the whole event. You should use them to build on information on how to handle the next date – where to go, what to do, etc. – especially when you both feel you’re enjoying more than just nice conversation. Questions will also help you select a topic for discussion. It’s up to you where you go in your conversations, just think carefully about which question to use in order to start the communication.

What kind of open questions to ask on a first date?

  • How are you?
  • Where do you come from?
  • What is your favourite movie? And why?
  • What is your favourite colour? And why?
  • How do you like to spend your free time?

The most important thing to remember is that you should give a long answer to the question; yes or no, is not good enough. Using the long answer format will enable you to start an interesting conversation. Great topics to talk about, for example, could be friends, work, life-style, movies, music, funny videos, hobbies, computer games (provided you're both into them!), sport, or social networks such as Facebook or Twitter. When you discover you’re both on the same wave length, you’ll be able to discuss a much wider range of topics, for example special interests and personal opinions, such as Google. While there’s a multitude of things to talk about, there are also some themes that should be avoided.

What kind of open questions should I avoid asking on a first date?

  • Why don’t you want to kiss me?
  • Why can’t you stop your bad habits?
  • Where is your ex-partner now?
  • How many people have you made love with, before me?
  • What is your biggest problem?


First date questions

Closed questions

These are also known as "short questions". Beginning with a verb, a closed question won’t leave too much opportunity for your date to respond with a long answer. The answer will usually be a simple YES or NO. This type of question can be used when you want to “stop” or “slow” the conversation, and can be a great ally if the person you’re dating talks too much, or even when you think the meeting isn’t going too well. This could mean that you feel there’s no spark or chemistry between you, and there’s no exciting "butterfly in your belly". It’s virtually impossible to engage in a nice long conversation about an interesting topic, when the only answer that comes your way is a "yes" or "no". So if your contact responds in this manner, maybe it’s time to think about what kind of question you should be asking? Be aware that if you ask 'closed questions' too frequently, your date might end up becoming bored.

But you don’t need to worry too much about using these "closed" questions, they form a normal part of any conversation. Basically, they just leave room for a quick answer. When your date is going well and you’re having a great time together, you won’t need to think about which type of questions to use, you’ll both the answering in greater detail than "yes" and "no".

What kind of closed questions to ask on a first date?

  • Would you like to get an ice cream from the kiosk over there?
  • The movie starts at 8 pm. Is that okay with you?
  • It’s raining! Would you like to remain inside for few minutes?
  • Did you like the movie?
  • We could go for a coffee and then take a short walk. And then we could go for dinner. Would that be okay for you?

What kind of closed question to avoid asking on a first date?

  • Are you enjoying this date with me?
  • Do you still miss your ex-partner?
  • If you could, would you like to take your ex-partner back?
  • Do you want to have kids with me?
  • Would you like to get married?

Stuff about ex-partners and private information is better asked on a later date, and only when you think you might benefit from the knowledge. Avoid using "closed" questions at the end of the date. For example, if you ask, "Do you want to see me again?" it’s quite possible you’ll get a negative response if your date is not too sure about committing to a future meeting. At the end of the date, it’s advisable to use an alternative question.

Alternative questions

Alternative questions can be used when you want to give your date a choice about how he or she will respond. Alternative questions are ideal in that they offer a little latitude into how your date might answer when, for example, you ask him or her if they want to see you again. If you only offer a closed choice (YES or NO), the response will be quick. In case your date is not too sure about the on-going chemistry, an alternative question will allow him or her to respond with a neutral answer instead of outright rejection. This intelligent format will also give you an opportunity to make a good impression.

What kind of alternative questions should I ask at the close of a first date?

  • Would you like meet for a drink next time, or maybe go to dinner?
  • Would you like to go cycling next time, or have a picnic in the park?
  • Do you think you might have time to meet again this week or next?
  • Would you like to go to the cinema to see the new episode of Star Wars, or perhaps some other movie?

What kind of alternative questions should I avoid asking on a first date?

  • Would you like to have a sex with me before or after dinner?
  • Do you want to kiss me now or later?
  • Would you like to have the next date with me or with somebody else?
  • Why aren’t you having fun with me? Am I boring or is it just that you don’t like me?

If your date has any interest in seeing you again, he or she might choose to go for a drink, a picnic, or to go cycling - or perhaps something else if your suggestions didn’t meet with approval.

If the person you date has no interest or perhaps isn’t ready for another meeting, you’ll get a neutral answer, such as: "I’m not sure about that," or some similar response. So, the situation is saved and there’s still an opportunity to change your date’s decision. You’ll have more time to work on your conversational skills and maybe sway the uncertainty into something more positive.

Finally, when you're on your first date, you need to follow the comments and reactions given by your new match. The best type of date provides those magical moments when both of you are enjoying good fun and laughter, an interesting discussion full of humour. Avoid those silly questions that we mentioned before, and you'll be well on the way to winning your lover's heart. We certainly hope you have a wonderfully successful date and hope you've found find our advice useful.

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